You aren’t the only one, I think our generation has a huge issue with this internal struggle to be thin, not necessarily healthy (hello 80’s and 90’s media).
It’s the back fat and uncomfortableness that finally pushed me over the edge to seek help and support and a different (and better for me) way of gaining back myself in a body that suited me better and functioned for me much better!
I am now finding consistency is much better than perfectionism. I know, I’m late to the party 😂
But it’s working and slowly. But steadily. That’s what has made the world of difference for me and my brain.
I think that’s a huge part of the issue- I spent decades chasing thinness because I thought I’d be happy but when I stopped chasing thinness & got much bigger I wasn’t happy whether. Which I’m sure says something about feelings & appearance. But this time it’s all about how I feel, not so much how I look. I’m a middle aged lady, nobody is looking me except me so I’m the only one I need to please. And I am not pleased with how I feel.
So glad to hear you e found a way to make things for work you. I hope I find that too xx
there is nothing wrong with admitting your discomfort with your body as it is, nor is there anything wrong with doing things to change it. This is about how you feel, not what you think you should look like, or should do, there is a huge difference. i dont think body acceptance is about ignoring those feelings. i wish you well in this and hope you can find a safe way for you to make these changes and find yourself in a body that fits right for you.
I think for a while I have been feeling like I should be fine with this body because I do hate diet culture & the constant drive for thinness. But I’m not. And now that I have admitted that I feel ready to make some changes.
"as stupid as it sounds, I always want to be my whole self here. " - This is the only way I desire to be as well lately. It takes up way more energy to limit my thoughts or how I want to show, so I just show up and whatever happens, happens.
I don't think I'm the right person to say something specific about all your shared as it's a realm I haven't had a lot of experience in nor have I had people around me who were e.g dieting a lot . I do want to write something about you owning what you're feeling if that's okay? And if I say something that crosses a line, please let me know.
Personally I felt a weight falling away the moment I read that you were honoring how you felt about yourself. The honesty for not needing therapy right now, but needing to dwell in the mindset to actually make a difference for yourself, there's such a power simmering there. It's so easy to gaslight yourself because of the narratives around you or dim feelings because others could feel uncomfortable about how you're feeling/seeing yourself. But if it's your current truth, then it's your truth. Sometimes a truth isn't all sunshine and roses, right? Embracing it will only open the door to changing it even more and I'm so so glad for you and the journey ahead. And yes, write all the things please! Especially if it helps you to process and document the journey for you. ❤
Once again, I admire your honesty R. I think we’re all scared of saying the wrong thing in this day and age, so it takes courage to open up. It helps others like me, to know I’m not the only one.
Feeling uncomfortable and wanting to change that is a good motivator because it comes from within and you are taking control - not the external stuff like scales, diet plans etc.
Please re-read your second paragraph. Would you say that to a friend?
Look at how far you’ve come, you are so NOT a failure, then kiss her goodbye and move forward. It sounds to me like you’re doing that already.
My friend text me as soon as she read it & said “great post but not that stuff about you being a failure. Forget that.” But it is honestly how I feel about myself. I wish so much I was person who didn’t think or worry about her body in any way. But I am not that person. So yes, onwards & upwards friend x
P.S. have you read The Everything Guide by Nikki Bezzant? Only one and a half pages in, she talks about exactly what we’ve just discussed! I highly recommend her book to you R xx
Hi Reannon. I feel yr pain. I’ve used food to find comfort from yuk feelings since I was a child feeling unloved and isolated from an angry mum who used alcohol for similar reasons. Tried Overeaters Anonymous where I heard many stories like yours from ex-WW members. OA’s message was a powerful antidote for the addictive obsession with weight and counting calories. I identified more with the aspect of confused addiction to finding comfort from a substance that made me conflicted between comforting me and abusing me, a trigger for low self esteem and perfectionism, fear of failure and of success. What helps is to *accept* that’s how I feel, which takes time, including accepting that the more I try to control this process, the more I set myself up for an addictive cycle and collapse into an unhealthy habit. I had to ID my triggers (usually old emotional scars) and look for more adult ways to respond rather than react. In 12 step programs they talk about letting go of the illusion of control and let a ‘higher power’ work with you. I don’t like the language of an external authority figure hanging over me but these days I do like the appeal of a feminist power of Be-ing, which I found in Mary Daly’s writing. Be-ing is that power within us all to Be in the moment. So, letting go of past actions and regrets, letting go of anxieties about the future and how to control my weight and my actions. Essentially some sort of feminist mindfulness practice of self forgiveness and acceptance. This practice takes *time* to practice and set up new healthier practices of thinking about myself, of treating myself more lovingly, of feeling I deserve to be kinder to myself. It’s also very helpful to share your feelings and story of your process with other like minded women. Yay, you’ve got this one!. Sending you all the love and peace back to you that I am so sure you can find from the self understanding and caring you are looking for.I am excited for you and your new you coming into be-ing.
You aren’t the only one, I think our generation has a huge issue with this internal struggle to be thin, not necessarily healthy (hello 80’s and 90’s media).
It’s the back fat and uncomfortableness that finally pushed me over the edge to seek help and support and a different (and better for me) way of gaining back myself in a body that suited me better and functioned for me much better!
I am now finding consistency is much better than perfectionism. I know, I’m late to the party 😂
But it’s working and slowly. But steadily. That’s what has made the world of difference for me and my brain.
I hope you can find that too xxxx
I think that’s a huge part of the issue- I spent decades chasing thinness because I thought I’d be happy but when I stopped chasing thinness & got much bigger I wasn’t happy whether. Which I’m sure says something about feelings & appearance. But this time it’s all about how I feel, not so much how I look. I’m a middle aged lady, nobody is looking me except me so I’m the only one I need to please. And I am not pleased with how I feel.
So glad to hear you e found a way to make things for work you. I hope I find that too xx
there is nothing wrong with admitting your discomfort with your body as it is, nor is there anything wrong with doing things to change it. This is about how you feel, not what you think you should look like, or should do, there is a huge difference. i dont think body acceptance is about ignoring those feelings. i wish you well in this and hope you can find a safe way for you to make these changes and find yourself in a body that fits right for you.
I think for a while I have been feeling like I should be fine with this body because I do hate diet culture & the constant drive for thinness. But I’m not. And now that I have admitted that I feel ready to make some changes.
"as stupid as it sounds, I always want to be my whole self here. " - This is the only way I desire to be as well lately. It takes up way more energy to limit my thoughts or how I want to show, so I just show up and whatever happens, happens.
I don't think I'm the right person to say something specific about all your shared as it's a realm I haven't had a lot of experience in nor have I had people around me who were e.g dieting a lot . I do want to write something about you owning what you're feeling if that's okay? And if I say something that crosses a line, please let me know.
Personally I felt a weight falling away the moment I read that you were honoring how you felt about yourself. The honesty for not needing therapy right now, but needing to dwell in the mindset to actually make a difference for yourself, there's such a power simmering there. It's so easy to gaslight yourself because of the narratives around you or dim feelings because others could feel uncomfortable about how you're feeling/seeing yourself. But if it's your current truth, then it's your truth. Sometimes a truth isn't all sunshine and roses, right? Embracing it will only open the door to changing it even more and I'm so so glad for you and the journey ahead. And yes, write all the things please! Especially if it helps you to process and document the journey for you. ❤
Thank you so much for your thoughtful & considered comment xx
Once again, I admire your honesty R. I think we’re all scared of saying the wrong thing in this day and age, so it takes courage to open up. It helps others like me, to know I’m not the only one.
Feeling uncomfortable and wanting to change that is a good motivator because it comes from within and you are taking control - not the external stuff like scales, diet plans etc.
Please re-read your second paragraph. Would you say that to a friend?
Look at how far you’ve come, you are so NOT a failure, then kiss her goodbye and move forward. It sounds to me like you’re doing that already.
Onwards and upwards xx
My friend text me as soon as she read it & said “great post but not that stuff about you being a failure. Forget that.” But it is honestly how I feel about myself. I wish so much I was person who didn’t think or worry about her body in any way. But I am not that person. So yes, onwards & upwards friend x
Neither am I.
I like the sound of your friend 😉
P.S. have you read The Everything Guide by Nikki Bezzant? Only one and a half pages in, she talks about exactly what we’ve just discussed! I highly recommend her book to you R xx
I haven’t but I’ll look it up
There’s nothing wrong with this and you’re not alone.
Thank you Tara x
Hi Reannon. I feel yr pain. I’ve used food to find comfort from yuk feelings since I was a child feeling unloved and isolated from an angry mum who used alcohol for similar reasons. Tried Overeaters Anonymous where I heard many stories like yours from ex-WW members. OA’s message was a powerful antidote for the addictive obsession with weight and counting calories. I identified more with the aspect of confused addiction to finding comfort from a substance that made me conflicted between comforting me and abusing me, a trigger for low self esteem and perfectionism, fear of failure and of success. What helps is to *accept* that’s how I feel, which takes time, including accepting that the more I try to control this process, the more I set myself up for an addictive cycle and collapse into an unhealthy habit. I had to ID my triggers (usually old emotional scars) and look for more adult ways to respond rather than react. In 12 step programs they talk about letting go of the illusion of control and let a ‘higher power’ work with you. I don’t like the language of an external authority figure hanging over me but these days I do like the appeal of a feminist power of Be-ing, which I found in Mary Daly’s writing. Be-ing is that power within us all to Be in the moment. So, letting go of past actions and regrets, letting go of anxieties about the future and how to control my weight and my actions. Essentially some sort of feminist mindfulness practice of self forgiveness and acceptance. This practice takes *time* to practice and set up new healthier practices of thinking about myself, of treating myself more lovingly, of feeling I deserve to be kinder to myself. It’s also very helpful to share your feelings and story of your process with other like minded women. Yay, you’ve got this one!. Sending you all the love and peace back to you that I am so sure you can find from the self understanding and caring you are looking for.I am excited for you and your new you coming into be-ing.