Oh R, my heart goes out to you. I hope you feel a little lighter after getting this out.
It IS hard. Especially hard parenting neurodiverse kids. And unhappy or unhealthy kids. It is all consuming at times. And it’s okay to admit that sometimes it feels too much.
Your littles get the benefits of having a mum who knows a lot more than she did in her early 20s. That’s a gift, R.
Our youngest is 18 and I just turned 52 - and it’s okay. You got this xx
Being a parent is the best and worst thing simultaneously. I don't understand how it works.
I have two boys, 20 and 24, who both live at home and who are the most gorgeous, decent human beings you could ever hope to meet. I was The Parent they always went to, walking past their dad (as you mentioned) to get to me, because I'm The Mum. Honestly, I think motherhood should come with a superhero cape. How do we even do it? How do we put ourselves last in order to make everyone else first? Why? Why do we do it? Love? Self sacrifice? Because when you step away and look at it, how abnormal is it that we are the creatures in the home who are holding it all together? My sons' dad didn't do much except show up when the kids were little, and subsequently now he doesn't have even ten percent of the magical relationship I have with my sons.
Yes, it's hard work, but I think it pays off.
I think..
I applaud you for saying what we all sometimes feel. We want to get off this parenting merry-go-round and just be ourselves for a bit. But we're mums. It will never stop. My mum tells me this and she's 80 and I'm 53. We're in for a long haul, honey xx
I have struggled so much learning to put my needs closer to the top of the list & I guess it’s a pleasant side effect of peri- I don’t feel the need to please everyone all the time. I don’t know why we think we have to come last to be good mums, but I know that’s how I’ve been acting for the last 20-odd years.
This might be one of the best things youve ever written - and ive read everything youve written and put in a public forum. Plus about 70 million whatsapp messages hehe.
I think it's totally normal and totally okay to have all these feelings. Your journey (eew) has been a unique one. Young mum, FIFO mum, big age gap mum - lots of 'extra' bits to contend with on top of being 'just' a mum (which is fucking hard a LOT OF THE TIME!!).
I dont think the smalls are getting ripped off mum wise. Theyre getting experienced and been there done that mum who has a quiet confidence and gets on with it more than you would have had as a young mum. It all balances out.
You love all your kids FIERCELY and they know that without a doubt. Even on the days you dont like them (cause we have those days too!). I know it's not easy but youre an awesome mum and theyre lucky to have you.
It’s easy to forget that people who know me IRL read what I write & you know better than most, so I appreciate you saying this. As always, it’s Honae with the truth-telling lol And couldn’t love you more for it xxx
Well done for saying it. It’s true parenting is hard. Others have said my thoughts better than I can. Just know you are heard, your efforts are valuable and appreciated, and it’s okay to want out sometimes. For me the emotional load of parenting young adults has been way harder than I ever anticipated.
I hear you loud & clear & I get it! I've been diagnosed with "emotion exhaustion" aka burnout after a really tough 10 years! I am, FINALLY, aged 75 learning to ask for what I want.. but at your end of parenting that's hard
I recently had to answer a question about what it was like to be single... ummm. I had ONE year.. aged 20! Out in the country teaching & met hub & had a child by 21. I have no memories of a life to call mine. any chance you can make any changes for your sake? Xx
I am getting better at saying no to my kids and putting my own needs first. It doesn’t come easily, but I do it when I need to because I am not my best self if I don’t care for myself. Like you, I don’t know who adult me is without my kids & sometimes that makes me sad but I doubt I’d change much about my life so far….
Oh R, my heart goes out to you. I hope you feel a little lighter after getting this out.
It IS hard. Especially hard parenting neurodiverse kids. And unhappy or unhealthy kids. It is all consuming at times. And it’s okay to admit that sometimes it feels too much.
Your littles get the benefits of having a mum who knows a lot more than she did in her early 20s. That’s a gift, R.
Our youngest is 18 and I just turned 52 - and it’s okay. You got this xx
By the time our youngest reaches 18 I will have been actively parenting for 32 years!!!! Too long Julie LOL
Yes I agree to it all.
A really lovely and honest write! Thanks so much for this. I need a break too 🤣💗
Being a parent is the best and worst thing simultaneously. I don't understand how it works.
I have two boys, 20 and 24, who both live at home and who are the most gorgeous, decent human beings you could ever hope to meet. I was The Parent they always went to, walking past their dad (as you mentioned) to get to me, because I'm The Mum. Honestly, I think motherhood should come with a superhero cape. How do we even do it? How do we put ourselves last in order to make everyone else first? Why? Why do we do it? Love? Self sacrifice? Because when you step away and look at it, how abnormal is it that we are the creatures in the home who are holding it all together? My sons' dad didn't do much except show up when the kids were little, and subsequently now he doesn't have even ten percent of the magical relationship I have with my sons.
Yes, it's hard work, but I think it pays off.
I think..
I applaud you for saying what we all sometimes feel. We want to get off this parenting merry-go-round and just be ourselves for a bit. But we're mums. It will never stop. My mum tells me this and she's 80 and I'm 53. We're in for a long haul, honey xx
I have struggled so much learning to put my needs closer to the top of the list & I guess it’s a pleasant side effect of peri- I don’t feel the need to please everyone all the time. I don’t know why we think we have to come last to be good mums, but I know that’s how I’ve been acting for the last 20-odd years.
This might be one of the best things youve ever written - and ive read everything youve written and put in a public forum. Plus about 70 million whatsapp messages hehe.
I think it's totally normal and totally okay to have all these feelings. Your journey (eew) has been a unique one. Young mum, FIFO mum, big age gap mum - lots of 'extra' bits to contend with on top of being 'just' a mum (which is fucking hard a LOT OF THE TIME!!).
I dont think the smalls are getting ripped off mum wise. Theyre getting experienced and been there done that mum who has a quiet confidence and gets on with it more than you would have had as a young mum. It all balances out.
You love all your kids FIERCELY and they know that without a doubt. Even on the days you dont like them (cause we have those days too!). I know it's not easy but youre an awesome mum and theyre lucky to have you.
It’s easy to forget that people who know me IRL read what I write & you know better than most, so I appreciate you saying this. As always, it’s Honae with the truth-telling lol And couldn’t love you more for it xxx
Well done for saying it. It’s true parenting is hard. Others have said my thoughts better than I can. Just know you are heard, your efforts are valuable and appreciated, and it’s okay to want out sometimes. For me the emotional load of parenting young adults has been way harder than I ever anticipated.
You know the shit we’ve been going through, so I agree, bigger kids, bigger problems. lucky we love them!
I hear you loud & clear & I get it! I've been diagnosed with "emotion exhaustion" aka burnout after a really tough 10 years! I am, FINALLY, aged 75 learning to ask for what I want.. but at your end of parenting that's hard
I recently had to answer a question about what it was like to be single... ummm. I had ONE year.. aged 20! Out in the country teaching & met hub & had a child by 21. I have no memories of a life to call mine. any chance you can make any changes for your sake? Xx
I am getting better at saying no to my kids and putting my own needs first. It doesn’t come easily, but I do it when I need to because I am not my best self if I don’t care for myself. Like you, I don’t know who adult me is without my kids & sometimes that makes me sad but I doubt I’d change much about my life so far….
It’s a tough old ride, that’s for sure Re. Hugs and solidarity! Have a Coke. You deserve it! Xxx
Thanks Rach x
Sending understanding and support. I hope you feel a bit lighter now, like you said, having gotten that off your chest. Xx
Thanks Debbie x