Day 3

of writing myself out of a rut

My alarm goes off at 545am, but I don’t get out of bed until 607am. I make Tim’s lunch. When I say I make lunch, I am reheating curry for his thermos, packing snacks (protein pudding, protein balls, nuts, etc), nothing major. It takes about 10 minutes. We chat about some family stuff going on, I make a shopping list, and then go call my mum in NZ to wish her happy birthday. After that, I get dressed in yesterday’s gym clothes that I purposely left next to my bed & go for a walk.

It’s super fresh at 7 am & as I’m walking, I can smell people’s fires burning. I love that smell. A guy is acting weird at the overpass; he’s just standing on the side of the road. Maybe he’s not weird, maybe I’m weird, but he is making me feel uncomfortable. I climb the overpass steps, notice how pretty the sky looks & walk down the ramp to head back home.

A half-hour walk is all I have time for today, but that is enough. My daily movement is about moving my body in a way that sets me up for a good old lady life, not changing my body, is the mantra I keep telling myself. I get home, have a shower, wake Blake up so he can get ready for the doctors, make the same breakfast as yesterday and sit down at my desk to have a quick look at Instagram. Not a single thing takes my interest. I check the news headlines, write this & go brush my teeth before we leave.

Doctor’s appointment went well. We now have a referral for an adhd assessment, which means one more thing ticked off my never-ending to-do list.

I spent most of the workday outdoors. The sun was shining & it was cool but not cold. The older I get the more I feel the impacts of the weather on my mood. I feel like I’ve always been in tune with the seasons, but now I can see how the weather changes me. These sunny days during winter are a balm.

After work, I quickly tidied up before my phone meeting. I really have to get better at delegating chores to my kids, especially when they are home on school holidays. Sadie does vacuum the giant lounge room mat, so that’s something.

The phone meeting went well & I am feeling a lot better about the prospect of homeschooling one of my kids. I won’t lie, I feel resentful that this is happening, but I do think it might be the best thing we can do right now. The good news is, if we go with this program, I don’t need to be the teacher; we only need to be the school. The bad news is, my kid will always be home & I will never have those small moments to myself between work ending & picking the kids up from school.

Once the meeting is done, I call Tim to talk it through. No firm decision is made, but it’s a start.

I then go on a Google search to see which pediatricians have books open for adhd assessments for teens. The good news is the wait isn’t as long as when we had Sadie’s ASD assessment back in 2022. The bad news is that telehealth seems to be our best option & the wait is still 3 months. Swings & roundabouts, friends.

Having the assessment booked is one more thing off my list & seems to free up a bit of brain space. Even though it’s months away at least, I know it’s happening. It’s not something we are only talking about; it will happen.

Sadie’s friend comes over. My client cancels tomorrows ’s afternoon session, which means I can take Sadie & her friend to the mall so they can see a movie & walk around the shops. I text my friend to ask if she wants to have lunch while they see their movie. I decided to order pizza for dinner tonight. We are all watching the State of Origin & I was planning to make homemade ones, but once I’d finished everything I needed to do today, I felt kind of depleted & no longer in the mood to cook. It’s fine. One night a week of unplanned takeaway isn’t the end of the world.

Tomorrow I am going to go to the gym for a second weight session before work. I don’t need to leave until 830am, so that’s plenty of time. The last two nights I’ve read in bed from 830pm, then listened to rain sounds instead of an audiobook & I think I am having better sleep because of it. Maybe the sleep is better because I’m not rotting in front of a screen before climbing into bed. Either way, I feel like I am getting back into a better nighttime routine.

One thing I know for sure is that I am a routine person. The kids being on holiday throws me off, & it’s as though I tell myself I have more time to do everything, but what ends up happening is I waste time. Maybe I am someone who needs to always be in a routine? Tim wakes up at the same time every day, regardless of what he has going on. Maybe I need to do the same thing each day to stop myself getting in a rut? Might it also help with decision fatigue?

Today I feel less in a rut than yesterday. My brain feels a bit emptier, in a good way, & It feels like I have made some steps forward.

Talk soon xx