Are We Allowed To Do Nothing?

Photo by Matea Brajdić on Unsplash

Hi friends. I know I popped up in your inbox only yesterday, but this is a conversation that I have been having in my head for a few days & one that has spilled over into texts with 2 close friends (for the record, I have 4 close friends & that is the extent of my entire friendship circle). As is my way, I need to write it all out to make sense of my own feelings & figure out what I truly think.

I am at a stage/point in my life/era where I do not want to do anything on the weekend, & up until now, I felt very weird about that. I felt like there was something wrong with me & that people would think I was boring, old & not trying enough. I felt like maybe I wasn’t living up to expectations. Whose expectations I am not sure, but I was certain that come the weekend, it was expected that I had to be out “having fun”, “exploring the world”, or “trying new things/places”.

But I am not doing any of that.

When the weekend rolls around, my idea of a good time is not leaving my house & just pottering about. I like to read, to journal, to flick about the internet, maybe bake or cook something nice & if I can get my kids to watch a movie at night with me I am a happy girl.

Tonight I am supposed to be going to a concert with my husband that we bought tickets to months ago. But now that it is here, I do not want to go. I don’t want to travel into the city. I don’t want to be surrounded by thousands of people. So I’m not. I told my husband I didn’t want to go & he was fine with it. I felt bad at first, but now I feel relieved. I would much prefer to be at home watching Drive to Survive. Is that wrong?

While I’ve been digging deep into why I don’t want to do anything, it made me think of my own parents & what our weekends used to look like. I am the eldest of 6 & we were poor, so there were no planned activities on the weekend. If we were lucky, I’d take my siblings to the local pool ( I think that mostly so my mum could get a break) or we’d go to the beach or waterfront. Mostly we’d hang out with our friends in the neighbourhood. My parents occasionally would have some of the neighbours over for a BBQ, but we’d all mostly be at home watching TV, playing outside, or walking to friends’ houses & hanging out in our bedrooms. All of this was really normal in 80’s & 90’s suburbia where I grew up.

So why do I now think that weekends have to be stacked with fun-filled activities, meals out & social events? Why do I think that is normal, & me wanting to be at home is abnormal? Are we allowed to do nothing & enjoy it?

Maybe it’s me. I know I am emotionally burned out lately. My job has me out in the community 5 days a week. And it is mentally & emotionally taxing. My family life is…… a lot. Even my therapist said, “Life can be spiky, but your life has more spikes than most” in our last session. I think by the end of the working & school week, I have reached capacity & need quiet downtime. I need space to relax & have minimal demands on me (not always easy with pre-teens around). I need to do the things that replenish & make me feel like me. And all of those things are inside my home.

The one thing I am happy to leave the house for is my Saturday morning gym session, followed by a stop at the local markets. They don’t feel taxing or hard. They feel good. I’ll also go run errands if they need doing on a Saturday, but I am very much a “get in & get out” type of person when it comes to errands. I do not find joy in wandering the shops as I did when I was a teen.

I keep wondering if I am doing my kids a disservice by being a weekend hermit. I don’t even know if they notice. They have friends over or go to friends’ houses. We take them to their sporting activities when they are on. My daughter loves having time to herself. My son is an energiser bunny & he will find things to occupy his time. We do go out for the occasional weekend meal, too, but I wonder if, when they look back on their childhood, they will feel they missed out because neither of their parents was big into weekend socialising.

Look, maybe I am overthinking all of this. It would not be the first time. I guess I had to get to the point where I told myself it was OK to be a weekend hermit & shed all the expectations. And maybe this is only a stage. Maybe once I'm feeling less fatigued & more robust, I will want to add more to my weekends. But for now, I am doing nothing & I won’t feel guilty about it. I’m a grown arse adult, I can do what I want, right?!

What do your weekends look like? Do you feel pressure to be doing stuff on the weekend? Or, do you love filling the weekends with social events & adventuring about? Are we allowed to do nothing if we want?

Talk soon xx