Whiny Bitch

Why am I finding it hard to drink water and basic things?

Photo by Anthony Tran on Unsplash

Hi friends. It’s Friday evening, and I am settled in the spare room. I started sleeping in there again last week while I was sick, and it is obvious I sleep better on my own (my husband and I have very different sleep hygiene habits), and I have decided to commandeer it as my little sanctuary. The front room is supposed to be that place for me, but now that Blake is also using my weights to do his little workouts, it doesn’t feel entirely mine right now. Plus, we moved the sofa lounge into the “games room” for the kids to use, so I don’t even have a comfy place to sit and read. BOO BLOODY HOO.

Friends, the title and first paragraph should tell you everything- I am a whiny bitch right now. I know I sound like a selfish brat saying, “Oh, I don’t have a space of my own,” but I really feel like I want, no, NEED a space of my own right now because I feel like I may have stepped into 2025 on the wrong foot. Nothing feels easy or settled for me, especially the most basic of things, and I do not like it. Not one bloody bit.

I was so sick of feeling stuck and needed momentum to sort out these problems, so what did I do? What I always do- wrote a bloody list! I wrote a list of all the things I feel are hard for me at the moment. And then I sent it to my friend, asking her to help me.

This is a friend I treat like my unpaid therapist because I know she will give me feedback and encouragement. She is the smartest and most level-headed person I know, and there is barely a time when she doesn’t have something helpful to say when I turn to her for help. We all need those kinds of friends, don’t we? The kind who love us enough to say, “Too bad, you just have to do it”, or “What if you did this? Would it help?”. She helped get the wheels of action rolling in my head.

My friend reminded me that it’s Ok to go super basic with dinners, and then she helpfully sent me a list of meals she and her son picked out of a cookbook we both have, which made me think that I need to get more family input around meals.

The next thing I did was reach out to my online community to vent and ask for a solution to one specific problem- my inability to push past the mental block I was having around my workout schedule. And again, they got me moving in the right direction. There are some parts of the internet that are just good.

My online coach helped me plan my workouts and then checked in with me to make sure I was doing them when I said I would (2/3 done!).

Today, I spoke to Tim about it, and he said the best thing he could have was, “Do you want an answer, or do you just want to vent?”. Argh, what a guy! Mostly, I wanted to vent, but I also wanted answers. We’ve decided to have a life summit this weekend. We are not a five-year plan. We are the kind of people who accidentally have a baby at 20 and 21. But we are going to give planning a go!

Tim and I will sit down this weekend and make some big life plans that have nothing to do with what was on my list, but I feel like it might add a little focus, and I am lacking in focus. I enjoy having something to work towards, even if that thing is far into the future.

Before I sat down to write to you, I brainstormed ways in which I could help myself. Some answers were simple, “JUST DO IT!” while others were more about giving myself grace. As Tim said to me today “it’s ok to be whiny bitch sometimes. If you don’t let it out, you’ll take it out on someone who doesn’t deserve it”.

So now I’ve let it out on paper and here. I made a promise to myself that I wasn’t going to treat this space like a confessional any more, that I wouldn’t run to type all my problems and feelings to you anymore. Looks like I’m failing at that, too.

I’m off to read my book; it’s Kate Solly’s newest one, The Paradise Heights Craft Store Stitch-Up. I hope you had a good Friday night.

Talk soon xx

P.S. I am so sorry if I haven’t replied to your comment on a previous post. I have gotten into the habit of reading the notification but not replying straight away, and then I forget, and by the time I remember, I can’t find the notification again. I will try to do better!