The Most Me I Can Be
what makes you feel like your truest self
Hey friends! It’s hot here today. I’ve eaten an early lunch, and I feel like I have some time to write to you, so hi! How are things?
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what makes me feel like the most myself and then trying to get back to those things because, in case you missed it, this year has been a bastard and positively smashed me. I have honestly spent most of it trying not to have a complete breakdown, which means I’ve strayed from the things that are good for me and make me feel like me. It’s been super tough.
One of the things I have learned is that my life is constantly moving from order to disorder and then back to reorder. Right now, I am in the “reorder” phase. I am returning to the things that make me happy, feel good, and the most myself. When I saw Dolly Alderton on Sunday night, an audience member asked what she could do to feel less lonely, and Dolly replied, “Get to know yourself again”, and I couldn’t agree more. Knowing what makes you YOU is so important!
Here are some of the things that make me feel the most me I can be.
When I am parenting with intention.
I know many women do not like to be defined as a mum, but I am not one of those women. I have been a mum longer than I have not been a mum. I was a mum before I was even a fully formed adult ( I had my first baby two weeks before I turned 21), so I feel the most myself when I am with my kids. Obviously, I parent them daily, but not all of that is intentional parenting. Most of the time, I am going through the motions to keep us all moving and alive, no shame in that. I like it when I am making an effort with my kids, really giving them my full time and attention and when we spend meaningful time together. It can be having a movie night or standing around the kitchen bench chatting shit. It might be lying on their bed with them, having a chat about the game they are playing or the latest things happening at school. One-on-one time is wonderful but not always doable. Right now, I am trying to be more in the moment with my kids, and I like it.
Reading
I could talk forever and a day about how much I feel like reading is part of my actual soul and my personality and takes up so much of my headspace. I do not feel like myself if I don’t have a book on the go or if I do not have the attention span to read. It makes me edgy when I am not giving a book the time it deserves. But reading mojo ebbs and flows for me. I feel like it’s starting to flow again, and I am delighted!
Baking Bread
It took me many, many years to make decent sourdough. Many times, I was disheartened by my efforts. But here I am, more than 11 years later, baking bloody good bread. I feel like it’s part of my personality now, and if I go a few weeks without baking, I feel like something is missing from my life. I love it when I am in a good routine of baking every few days. My youngest kids have called it “special bread” since they were toddlers, and if I ask, “Who wants sourdough for breakfast?” my 11-year-old son will say, “Mama, call it special bread”, which makes my heart explode.
Growing Tomatoes
I am a terrible gardener, but ever since we bought our first house back in 2001, we have had a veggie garden. Over the last few years, I’ve scaled right back and even had a summer or two where I grew nothing because Perth summers hit differently, they are not to be fucked with and make growing anything near impossible. Last year, I planted a few tomatoes, and they did OK. A few months back, I noticed some plants pop up in the beds, so I thought I’d leave them and see if they survived. They have so now, I have about six tomato plants. I have no idea what variety they are, but they sure do make me happy.
Taking Care of People, including myself!
I am a born nurturer. As the eldest of six kids, I don’t think I had much choice, but I have carried that carer/nurturer instinct throughout my whole life, even my job is a caring role. I wouldn’t know what to do with myself if I wasn’t taking care of a person, animal or plant! This year, I have had to learn to take care of myself a lot more, as I seemed to have let that slide quite a bit. So now, I make sure I am on the list of things to care for, too, and it doesn’t feel as hard as I once thought it would.
Other things that make me feel like myself are writing here or in my notebooks. Writing lists. God, I love a list! Breathwork. I know how wanky that sounds, but it’s something I started doing a few years back to help with my anxiety, and now it’s pretty much a daily practice. And finally, playing music. I have written before about how certain songs or artists can bring me back into myself, and I have learned heavily from my Spotify playlists this year.
Now tell me, friends, what makes you the YOU-est version of yourself?
I really like your list, specially the bread baking. You are a great ad for sticking with a new thing until you become good at it. Like you taking care of children, first my nieces and nephews, then as a child carer and finally as a parent made me feel like me, I think it's what i was meant to do. So now all those roles have evolved and I find myself without small children in my life, and I'm not actually sure who I am or what makes me most me. Time to discover new I think, but geez letting go of a life time of old is harder than i thought.
sometimes i think about what I loved most as kid around 10-12yrs, and it's reading, being outside riding my bike, riding horses on the beach, swimming, climbing trees, exploring, watching tv and eating,lol. You know what, I still love almost all of those things, not getting on a horse again or climbing any trees, but the rest I do still like, the trick is to not judge myself and allow myself to indulge in them, oh and the age old, stay off the internet cause that rarely does me any good,
Hi R,
I’m so pleased you’re back in your reorder phase, that’s worth celebrating!
My goodness, your bread looks amazing. So cute what B said to you about it. Great job, mama.
I think my list would be quite similar to yours. Being a mum, nurturing my family is me. I like to feel needed.
Having said that, I have had a glimpse of another me, when I travelled overseas for nearly a month, and that was an amazing gift.
I like baking and reading too (4.5 stars for Things will calm down soon) and write many lists on my phone and on paper. I like getting my ideas out of my head (where I probably won’t remember them anyway!).
Thanks for the reminders about self care and breathing - not wanky at all! - it’s slowly sinking in for me that both work well when I do them.
X