Live In Your Season

And no, I am not talking about Winter.

Photo by Zach Reiner on Unsplash

Hi friends. How are things for you right now? I don’t always ask that when I’m writing to you. I hope things are ok. 

I’ve been thinking a lot about when things go tits up and how hard I find it to be pushed out of my routine. I try to keep going as I always do but eventually, I give in and do what I can to keep myself afloat. 

This is called “living in your season” and I like it because seasons are not forever. Seasons change and we adapt. It’s not like I keep trying to wear my summer clothes in winter so why do I keep trying to make everything in my life the same when my life is not the same as it usually is? 

Let’s call my current season “the one I didn’t see coming” or “the season of malaise”. I love the word malaise, it sounds dramatic & medieval. Some of the things I’m finding difficult in this current season that I usually have no trouble with are-

Meal planning/cooking

Reading 

Focus (on anything) 

Communication with friends & extended family

So how am I dealing with this? Well, to be honest, at first I was not coping & kept trying to continue as usual because I thought it would help, you know, keep things normal, but now I am surrendering to “the season I didn’t see coming” aka the malaise, and by surrendering to it I am being kind to myself. It’s ok to bend & for things to not be normal sometimes. The forward momentum might not look the way it usually does but that’s ok. 

For the meal planning dilemma, I stupidly thought the answer was a week of new recipes. I thought new recipes would get me excited to shop & cook. Wrong! All it did was overwhelm me. So we are sticking to the tried & true dinners, the most basic of dinners, the ones I know my people will eat. It’s roasted veg & Yorkshire pudding. Bacon & egg muffins. Pasta. Chicken wings on repeat. Curry (paste from a jar as usual) & rice. Friday takeaway is now a staple. I don’t care if it’s Thai, Indian or KFC, so long as I am not cooking or cleaning it’s ok. We had two nights this week where we didn’t get home until late so it was catch’n’kill. I had 2-minute noodles one night. And it’s all fine. We are eating & that’s all I’m concerned with right now. 

The same goes for school lunches. There have been no baked goods in my kid’s lunches because I have not baked. They do not care & seem to enjoy the packaged things that are replacing our favourite chocolate chip cookies & brownies. I might find the space to bake this weekend but if I don’t I also have tiny teddies & oreos.

With the reading, I have not picked a book up in over a week & I am ok with that. I have read 70 books so far this year (I checked on Goodreads) & if I do not have the concentration span to read a book right now I’ll just stick to newsletters until I do. I did go to the library and pick up some books, a few by authors I’ve read before, a few that are my usual bag, in the hope that if I find myself ready to read I have a book (or 10) to pick up. But if I don’t that’s ok too. Just because I identify as a reader doesn’t mean I have to constantly be reading. 

Finding some focus is much MUCH harder. For the most part, I’ve just accepted I have zero focus & don’t try very hard to remedy it. I’ll sit and watch YouTube videos with one of the kids (Mr beast & YBS are faves), and old Simpson episodes with another. I’ve been leaning hard on pimple-popping videos too. I know lots of people (my family included) think they are disgusting but I find them very relaxing & with millions of views I’m not the only one who uses them to self-soothe. If I watch a movie it’ll be one I’ve seen before or some sappy hallmark type thing. No thinking is required.

Something else I find helpful when my brain is running a mile a minute is to focus on just one thing. My brain tends to jump from thing to thing even when I’m not finished doing the original thing & what ends up happening is everything gets half-done or half-arsed. When my mind starts trying to push me in another direction. I say to myself “Let’s just finish this one thing right here & then we’ll do that” I also repeat to myself “Remember you need to do…..” because my peri brain is like a sieve & I forget things so easily.

We usually only allow devices on the weekends but I won’t lie, due to my malaise (I’m juts going to keep using this word because it fits. I don’t care if I sound like a wanker), my youngest kids have had a lot of screen time this last week or so. I don’t feel guilty, I’m just noticing

I’m usually great at communicating & love chatting with all my people but right now all I can handle is texts. I’m avoiding calls & not organising any catch-ups. The friend burner is loooooow. And thankfully all my people understand. They check in on me or send me silly messages but nobody is pushing me to “get out” or tell them more than I’m willing to share. And I really appreciate that. I did have a great chat with one of my grown- up kids on the phone. They are the only people I’d never ignore a call from.

Some days (most days) I feel like my motivation to do anything is so low. I keep saying to my husband “I just want to lie in bed” But I don’t lie in bed. I get up & do all the things that need doing when you are a grown arse adult with kids who works for themselves. Some days I find myself saying in my head “Tomorrow I’ll do some meal prep. Tomorrow I’ll eat some veggies. Tomorrow I won’t watch an hour of pimple videos.” So far that version of tomorrow hasn’t happened. 

Most days I am still getting up at 545am & doing my silly little exercises. Most days I am still packing school lunches (one day a week for lunch orders isn’t too bad). Most days my floors are clean,(clean-ish!) the washing is washed but not folded & the kitchen benches are clear. In this season, that’s as good as it getting. 

Nature’s seasons have a rough start & end date but here where I live the seasons rarely follow that timeline. Summer drags on forever, Autumn & Spring feel shorter than they should be & Winter is always shorter or longer than you’d like. Life seasons follow no real timeline at all. Learning to be a bendable reed, one that has deep roots but can move with the flow of the things around it, is something I find hard but I am trying because it sure does make living easier.

What season are you in?

Talk soon xx