Dream Phase

33 years of having a period & it can still flatten me.

Photo by Egor Vikhrev on Unsplash

Hey friends. I am on day 3 of my period, the middle of the “dream phase” according to Lucy Peach, and I am tired, cranky, hungry and want all the sugar please and thank you.

I have had to take myself to bed and away from my family because I know I am at risk of saying things I do not need to say. I will hurt feelings with my rage, with my lack of patience and understanding. My 11 & 10 year old joked last night that “we think mum has Tourettes because she can’t stop saying “for fucks sake”. I did not laugh. But they are not wrong. I say that phrase almost continually.

It’s been a fucker of a week. Not to be purposefully obtuse but the reasons for the fuckery, besides me having my period just a mere 17 days after the last one (thank you Peri), are not for the internet but trust when I say the rage has boiled and bubbled over. Mostly I’ve kept it away from people, except for one phone call with my husband and one long WhatsApp message to my friend. It’s a perfect rage storm- fuckery, my period and peri!!!

Despite having my period for 33 years I continually forget how tired it makes me, both physically and mentally. I am not brimming with energy at the best of times but when I have my period I am, as my husband so charmingly puts it, “flat as a fart”. I need more sleep. More rest. More sugar. Less of everything else.

One good thing about being this far down the period road is at least I am aware of the need to rest, eat and be away from people as much as possible. Once upon a time, I was so clueless as to how my body and mind responded to hormones, now I am across it. I am more accepting of the rollercoaster even if peri has made knowing where I am in my cycle harder.

As I get weary and crave sugar I can stop and say “Am I getting my period because this doesn’t feel like regular tiredness and need for sugar?” Peri has made my period unpredictable but good old PMS still shows up like the MF it is.

I am about 3-4 years into perimenopause and who knows how many more years ahead of me I have but I can say I doubt I’ll miss my period and all it brings. By the time I’ve had my last bleed and moved into my post-menopausal stage of life, I am hoping the days of mood swings, severe cravings and bone-weary tiredness are behind me. Maybe I’m delusional but a girl can dream, right?

Talk soon xx