Day 4

of writing myself out of a rut

I don’t feel good about today. There is no reason for the feeling. I woke up tired. I know I had a period at some stage where I was awake when it was dark. I purposely did not check the time. I struggled to go back to sleep, but counting my breaths seemed to work. I still woke up tired & a bit cranky.

I did not go to the gym before work. Instead, I wore my gym clothes to work so that I didn’t have any friction between finishing work, dropping the girls off at the mall, picking up Tim’s new work uniforms & getting to the gym.

I did my weights. Didn’t love it, but love that I did it. Went to the post office to collect a parcel. Came home & ate leftovers while doing invoices. And now I’m sitting here wondering as type why I'm feeling off. There is no glaring reason for it.

I’ve decided to have a “shut the gate” weekend. Do you know what a shut-the-gate weekend is? It’s where, after I get home on Friday afternoon, I shut the gate & have no plans on leaving the house until I have to go back to work on Monday. I need home & home hobbies this weekend. I was seriously thinking about going to the markets, but I will not.

Shit. I’ve just realised that to get my 3 weight sessions in, I WILL have to leave the house on Saturday! That is annoying. OK. That’s the only reason I will leave the house.

I’m going to make sure we have all the grocery items we need (maybe do a click & collect for after work?). I’m going to buy a few bags of potting mix to pot up the plants that need potting. I’m going to bake. I’m going to weed the jonquil patch & maybe even start on the old veggie bed that I plan to fill with sunflowers. Hopefully, I might even finish East of Eden (it’s a hefty book!) I need frames for my new Lore Pemberton prints that arrived, so maybe I’ll grab those after work too.

I know that the answer to this rut is not rest. I think I actually need activities to feel some momentum & to be busy. Not in the “oh I’m so busy” kind of busy, but the busy that makes you feel full of goodness.

I’ve got to take the towels that Blake hung out today off the line before the cold air hits them. We are having leftover schnitzels with spanakarizo for dinner tonight, so all I need to do is cook the rice. We are out of firewood until our next delivery on Monday, so the AC will go on as soon as dusk hits, I’ll light my new candle, close all the blinds & remind myself it’s a new day & this heavy feeling does not need to follow me.

Talk soon xx